Non-Smoker’s Dementia

The smoking quit goes well in the concrete sense, if a little shaky in the realm of the mind.

This must be nine days now. I stopped counting, which I think is a good thing. I think I have half of this thing licked. The physical stuff is not much of a problem –  no real urges, no slip-ups. I honestly don’t think I’ve even had any major “I have to smoke now” moments or anything like that. So that’s good. All credit to the patch, good preparation, good friends, and visiting my doctor.

The psychological stuff is a little uglier. Not the end of the world, but I’d certainly call it tricky. Times at which I would be a little bit nervous have grown into moments of panic. A bad day might be turn into an awful one. I require a lot of time to myself, and that has lately turned into going out a back door and walking around a building to avoid other humans, or closing the blinds at home. But, it’ll be fine. I moved up my follow-up doc visit to tomorrow, and he had warned me that this might happen. And I like and trust him. So, we’ll get it fixed.

In the time being, I’ve been trying to particularly notice (and perpetuate) the awesome. I was at an orchestra rehearsal last night, and I made sure to note that I got to spend the evening with two dear friends, also musicians in the group, whose company and humor I always really look forward to. I had the most wonderful time playing the pipe organ this morning, almost transcendent – the music splashing around the empty church like big forte-fortissimo waves. We went to McDonald’s the other night. (A cheap thrill, I know, but I adore those disgusting Pigeon McNuggets.) The other day, I had a lovely talk with a friend that I didn’t even know I had. Nice to have good moments to appreciate. I have a new video game too.

I takes ’em from where I can, folks.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Non-Smoker’s Dementia

  1. I hear you. My husband quit and the first two weeks were hell. The next two weren’t too much fun either, but then it got better. He used the gum and that worked for him. What really made it happen I think was that he’d tried several times. It seems like that somehow broke the pattern or something?

    Three sons also quit and their experience was varied. The funniest was Jon, who told his wife, “This is my true personality, it was just covered up when I was smoking.” Poor guy, he could hardly stand himself and it didn’t help much that she was quitting at the same time (baby on the way). They both made it, though, and lived to tell the tale.

    Our son Derek is quitting now, or trying to. He’s smoking a pipe as a step on the path. I hope it works as he’s been smoking the longest. I think people who quit are amazing–it’s a tough, tough path and you have to do it yourself, no one can do it for you. Keep at it, my friend. You’re going to win.

  2. Hang in there. I’m rootin’ for ya.

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